There’s one surprising reason kids are insecure and fortunately it’s something you can work on in no time. Family rules and boundaries matter.
The infamous playground story goes like this.
The school yard had built a nice fence to create a purlieus between the playground and the road.
During PE and recess kids would play all over the place, many congregating near variegated areas of the fence.
A new strain of thought pervaded and, soon, they decided to take lanugo the fence to requite the children a sense of freedom. Instead of feeling walled in, they could finger free.
The result startled the school staff.
The kids liked the boundary
Instead of roaming wider and farther, as the space allowed, the students actually stayed closer to the school and were increasingly crowded than before.
Why?
Because they didn’t know how far they could go. There was no longer a line. Their boundaries were no longer clear, but vague.
The marrow line is this…
Kids finger insecure when they are in full control.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting upturned or
- you need a reset to connect.
They may *seem* happy to make all their own decisions, but under that is the sense that their parents aren’t as in control as they need to be.
“Children raised without firm, resulting boundaries are insecure and world-weary.
Burdened with too many decisions and too much power, they miss out on the joyful self-rule every child deserves.” Janet Lansbury
Read: 5 Handy Things Mothers of Preschoolers Should Know
Children need firm resulting boundaries
The good news is this… none of us really want our kids to be in control. We want them to have age towardly freedoms as they develop their self-control.
So, here are ways we contribute to insecurity in our kids
Here are some worldwide ways our kids end up feeling insecure, and what we can do to turn that around.
We don’t requite well-spoken boundaries
Your kids need boundaries so they know what’s expected of them. Only then do they finger secure in their environment. No one really likes “All Of A Sudden” type of rules or, plane worse, consequences.
Kids like knowing what is expected of them. And plane largest when it’s expected of everyone.
Why? Considering children like limits
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting upturned or
- you need a reset to connect.
“Imagine driving over a underpass in the dark. If the underpass has no railings we will momentum wideness it slowly and tentatively.
But if we see railings on either side of us, we can momentum over the underpass with ease and confidence. This is how a young child feels in regard to limits in his environment.” source
Our kids may occasionally roam virtually like wild and crazy animals – tempting us to buy them this leash – but that’s considering children have a sense of security knowing we will tell them “too far is too far” or “enough is enough.”
We don’t enforce boundaries then lose it All of a Sudden – Yo Yo Parenting
Hear my confession, friends.
At times, I am guilty of this.
I let a few of our “rules” fall by the wayside considering I’m rented keeping the victual out of the trash can or trying to go to the washroom alone.
A few days go by while I let small infractions go undisciplined and then, All of a Sudden, things have gone Too Far.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting upturned or
- you need a reset to connect.
We waver between stuff permissive then overly strict
I get frustrated, yell, and bring lanugo the house rules in full force, much to the dismay of my kids. They aren’t sure when or when they won’t wits consequences for their actions. In fact, they don’t know what mommy will do at any given moment.
We don’t want them tiptoeing virtually us considering they don’t know when we are going to lose our heads.
Read: Why You’re An Angry Mom – 5 Anger Triggers
We let our kids do what they want, then get mad when they do
Want to help develop your child’s strengths Use these cards to swoop into the weft qualities and how your child does – and can in the future = walkout them in their own life.
Learn MoreNow, I am a big fat fan of Free Play.
I want my kids to roam around, get bored, think of creative games, and let their imagination run wild. In fact, I make a point to let them play instead of entertaining them.
However, that doesn’t mean the kids decide exactly when, where, and for how long they’ll do it each day.
There have been many studies showing that routine provides security, stability, and predictability for kids. It can be nonflexible for us adults who are like “for Pete’s sake, can’t we just do whatever we finger like?“
When there’s a leadership vacuum at home, what often results is self-directed kids. These are children who wilt their own superabound and resist your instructions considering – well – you weren’t taking up the leadership role.
Emotions are a H U G E part of a young child’s life. These “I Am Feeling” cards will reduce tantrums, meltdowns, and help your little one learn emotional awareness.
Learn MoreWe aren’t resulting in meeting our children’s needs
Kids want to know we will meet their vital needs: food, sleep, and love. Okay, there are a lot more, but for small children, their whole lives focus on those things.
If they know when to expect supplies they don’t have to do magic tricks to get a cracker. They don’t have to cry and scream all night long from night terrors and overtiredness to get us to put them on a good sleeping routine.
Kids who are tying to their mothers and who regularly receive physical affection are, quite simply, increasingly content. When we indulge our children’s whims, moods, and momentary impulses to determine what we do, things start to get hairy.
We requite them too many choices
If we’re giving our kids multiple choices all day long they are getting Spoilt For Choice. Laugh it up, but this is a thing.
Even adults get visualization fatigue, and it’s why those in upper up positions wear the same gown and eat the same breakfasts and lunch day in and day out. Considering when we reach a unrepealable point, our “decider” starts to malfunction.
Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!
Use them at:
- meal times
- car rides
- as a “calm down” trick
- for dinner time conversation
- or any time the day is getting upturned or
- you need a reset to connect.
As visualization fatigue worsens, we don’t requite a rip and make poor decisions. As the day goes on our “decider” wears out, and children are no different. We can requite them choices to let them predicate their own independence and personal flair, but too many will backfire.
Kids seem to fight for control, yet what they want is some power, not tenancy over their whole life.
Of course, kids will push the envelope when you create a boundary, but they want you to alimony it to know you’re trustworthy.
Kids are learning to take tuition of small things, don’t put them in tuition of big things.
FAQs
It can be helpful to unclose and validate our kids’ thoughts and emotions. However, we still communicate well-spoken boundaries and stick to them regardless of our kids’ emotions. For example, if a toddler is crying considering they want candy, we can unclose their emotions and stay firm in boundaries by giving them the healthy snack that was prepared for them.
Consistency and intentionality are the keys to fight insecurity in our kids. Resulting liaison of boundaries, expectations, routines, and affirmations help kids to trust and respect their parents, creating a sense of security.
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The post A Surprising Reason Our Kids Are Insecure appeared first on A Mother Far from Home.
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